Dad jokes
Food
13 jokes, all of them clean
Food puns are the most reliable category there is, because every dish is already a noun doing 2 jobs. Bread, eggs, cheese and pasta account for most of what follows, and the impasta one accounts for more of it than it should.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
How do bakers trade recipes? On a knead-to-know basis.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
Why are pizza jokes the worst? They're too cheesy.
What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
Every ingredient is already a word
Food vocabulary is unusually loaded. Dressing is a sauce and an action. A roll is bread and a movement. Cheese, dough, beef, ham and toast all have slang meanings that predate anybody making jokes about them. So a food pun rarely has to reach — the second meaning is usually a common word rather than a stretched sound-alike, which is why these hold up to being told twice.
Kitchen and table jokes
The practical use for this page is that everybody is always near food. A joke about pasta works while you are holding pasta, and the physical prop does about half the delivery for you. Worth keeping 2 of these ready if you cook for people. The tomato blushing one is the oldest joke on this website and it has not stopped working yet.
The one to actually use
The fake noodle. It is the shortest complete joke on this page and probably the most repeated food pun in the language, and it holds up because impasta and imposter are close enough to be instant. No thinking required, which is exactly what you want when you are holding a bowl of pasta at the time. The knead-to-know one is better written and lands with about half as many people.
Got one that belongs here?
Send it in. A human reads every submission before it goes up.