Dad jokes
One-Liners
20 jokes, all of them clean
One-liners are the whole joke in a single sentence. No story, no second speaker, no setup you can see coming. This is the largest page on the site and the hardest format to write, which is not a coincidence.
I would tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know which comes first.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We'll see about that.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Everything happens in the last word
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet, I don't know y. That is 12 words and the entire joke is in the last one. One-liners work by giving you a statement that seems complete, then revealing that a word you already read meant something else. There is no room to recover from a weak ending, which is why bad one-liners fail harder than any other format here.
The format worth memorising
If you are only going to carry 2 jokes around, make them one-liners. They fit in a conversation without stopping it, they need no permission to start, and nobody has to play along. The fish with no eyes is the shortest joke on this entire site and it still gets a reaction, which is about the best argument for the format there is.
The one to actually use
The fish with no eyes. It is 8 words including the answer, and the joke is a spelling change you have to hear rather than read, which is an odd thing for a written page to pull off. It is also the only joke on this site that gets funnier the flatter you say it. The therapist and revenge one is the smartest thing on the page and needs a beat of silence after it, which most people will not give you.
Got one that belongs here?
Send it in. A human reads every submission before it goes up.