Dad jokes
Halloween
18 jokes, all of them clean
Halloween is the best-stocked holiday for puns on this entire site, and it is not close. Skeletons, ghosts, mummies, vampires, witches — 5 monsters, each with a body part or a habit that already sounds like an ordinary word.
What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I scream.
Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid to unwind.
How do vampires start their letters? "Tomb it may concern."
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.
Why did the skeleton skip the party? He had no body to go with.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
Why didn't the zombie go to school? He was feeling rotten.
What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
What kind of music do mummies love? Wrap music.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazy bones.
What's a vampire's least favorite meal? Steak.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare.
What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appétit.
Every monster comes with a built-in pun
Skeletons have no guts and no body, and both of those are idioms already. Mummies are wrapped, so unwind is sitting right there. Ghosts go boo, which rhymes with half the language. Vampires have a pain in the neck. The monsters were not designed to be jokes and they work better than the ones that were. That is why this page has more entries than most and why the hit rate is higher.
Where the no-body joke goes
The skeleton-with-no-body line is the most repeated dad joke in the English language and it still works, which is worth thinking about. It survives because the double meaning is exact — no body and nobody are the same sound with no stretching. The jokes that last are the ones that do not have to bend the word. Tell it to somebody who has heard it. They will still groan.
The one to actually use
The skeleton with no body. It is the most told dad joke in English and it has not worn out, which is worth understanding rather than dismissing. No body and nobody are the same sound with no stretching at all — the joke does not ask you to accept an approximation. Jokes that need you to squint have a shelf life. This one does not, and you can tell it to somebody who has definitely heard it before and still get the groan.
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