Dad jokes
Valentine's Day
15 jokes, all of them clean
Valentine's Day jokes are built almost entirely out of objects being romantic at each other. Paper clips, magnets, volcanoes, birds. Nobody in these is a person, which is exactly why they work on a card for a 7-year-old's class party.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet? "I find you very attractive."
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
What did one volcano say to the other? "I lava you."
How did the phone propose to its sweetheart? It gave her a ring.
What did the calculator say to the pencil? "You can count on me."
Why did the sheriff arrest the boyfriend? For stealing hearts.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? "I'm stuck on you."
Why do melons have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did the light bulb say to its valentine? "I love you watts and watts."
What's Cupid's favorite sport? Archery — he never misses a heart.
What do you call a very small valentine? A valen-tiny.
What did the bat say to his valentine? "You're fun to hang around with."
Why did the banana go out with the prune? It couldn't find a date.
What did one oar say to the other? "This is so row-mantic."
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
Why the objects do the flirting
Romance vocabulary is unusually pun-friendly — attractive, lava, tweet, hearts. Every one of those words already means 2 things, one physical and one emotional. So the joke writes itself the moment you hand the line to something that literally has the physical property. A magnet really is attractive. A volcano really does have lava. You are not stretching, you are just pointing.
Built for a stack of 24 cards
The reason this topic exists in the shape it does is the school Valentine. You need something short, clean, that a kid can copy onto a card, and that will not make anybody's parent call the teacher. These are that. Nothing here is about dating. If you want one for an adult, the volcano one carries a room better than it has any right to.
The one to actually use
The volcanoes. It is the one adults repeat, which is unusual for a page built for children's cards. The reason is that lava and love you are close enough to trip over but far enough apart that you have to do a small piece of work to get there, and that tiny delay is what turns a groan into a laugh. The paper clip and magnet one is more elegant and gets less reaction.
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