Dad jokes
Story Jokes
14 jokes, all of them clean.
- Three brothers die and go to heaven. At the gates, God tells them there's only one rule: "Don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, something bad will happen to you." The brothers agree and move into their big mansion in the sky. Soon the first brother goes out for a walk — and comes back married to the ugliest woman in heaven. "What happened?!" his brothers ask. "I stepped on a duck." The next
- A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." The string steps outside, ties himself in a loop, and musses up his ends. He walks back in and orders a drink. The bartender squints: "Hey… aren't you that string?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
- A man sees a sign: "Talking Dog for Sale — $10." He asks the dog, "You really talk?" The dog says, "Sure do. I discovered my gift young. I worked airport security sniffing out trouble and listening in on smugglers, then toured hospitals cheering up sick kids. Now I'm just enjoying retirement." Amazed, the man asks the owner, "Why on earth are you selling him for ten dollars?" The owner rolls his e
- A guy buys a fancy new sports car and takes it for a drive. A snail knocks on the window: "Can I get a ride?" The guy says sure, but on one condition — "I get to paint a big S on each door." The snail asks why. "Because when we fly down the highway, I want everyone to point and yell: LOOK AT THAT S-CAR GO!"
- Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Whew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" The second muffin screams, "AHH! A talking muffin!"
- A man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on paranoia?" The librarian leans in and whispers, "They're right behind you."
- A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused: "You have a drink named Steve?"
- A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for lip balm. The cashier says, "Cash or card?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
- Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
- Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory? There was nothing left but de brie.
- A farmer shows a visitor his prize pig — it has a wooden leg. "This pig is a hero," the farmer says. "He pulled my son from a pond, woke us during a fire, and chased off a burglar." The visitor asks, "But why the wooden leg?" The farmer says, "Son, a pig that special — you don't eat him all at once."
- A man tells his doctor, "Doc, I broke my arm in two places!" The doctor says, "Well, stop going to those places."
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